Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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