I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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