And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
