you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
