Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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