smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
