she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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