I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
