I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
