And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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