Me too!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
