I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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