I think my fart just growled at me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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