i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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