He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
