tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
