if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
