I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
