he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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