So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
