batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
