Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
