Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
