I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
