I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
