i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
