Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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