mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
