Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
