i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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