Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
