He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
