I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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