Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is classic penis vs brain.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize