It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
