he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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