Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
