btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
