I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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