3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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