he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
