3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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