i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
