So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
