just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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