Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
