I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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