Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
