I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
