took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
