Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
