Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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