Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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