i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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