i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
