we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have feelings that need drinking.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
