remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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