The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
