u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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