I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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