dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize