Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
