the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
