You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
