oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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