I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
