Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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