After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
